Friday, November 07, 2008

Beat the Celebrity

It's that time of year again, time to play our favorite game of the tapering season..."Beat the Celebrity!"

Aren't familiar with the game? It starts when bored marathon runners with nothing to fill all the extra time in their lives while tapering, spend infinite hours on the computer googling anything marathon related. They come across all the celebrities/musicians/politicians/models/famous-for-nothings who have run marathons over the years and make mental notes on which ones they would like to beat in their upcoming race.

I've been playing it for weeks now. It's fun to think that while some of these lucky, good-looking rich bastards may have a lot going for them, I may be able to at least beat their marathon time...or not.

Play along with me...and feel free to add some of your own!

Ryan Reynolds, NYC Marathon, 2008 (3:50)
Cute and fast, Ryan also raised over $80,000 for Team Fox while running his first marathon this year. Swoon.

Beth Ostrosky, NYC Marathon 2008 (4:15:39)
I love Howard Stern and I am super happy for him and his new bride. They truly seem happy together and it was even reported that he was tearing up at the finish when he saw her coming in. To melt Howard's heart, you must be something special. But it also kind of annoys me a little that her goal was 5 hours and she came in at 4:15. How do you come in 45 minutes under what you trained for?!!? It makes me feel a little better knowing she raised money for a good cause, Beth raised $300,000 for the North Shore Animal League. I hope to come in around the same time as her.

Oprah Winfrey, Marine Corps Marathon 1994 (4:29:20)
Everyone's favorite woman to beat, Oprah, ran a pretty respectable time back in '94 and brought a renewed interest to the sport of marathon running. It's safe to say that everyone thought, "If she can do it, I sure as hell can." This is definitely one of my main goals this beat Oprah.

Sean Combs (Puff Daddy, Puffy, P Diddy, P-Douchey...whatever), New York City Marathon 2002 (4:14:54)
Everyone's favorite man to beat. As a matter of fact, when he ran this marathon, his main goal was to beat Oprah! He did that and also raised 2 million for education...making it hard to be annoyed by him for only training two months and still running it so fast. If I beat his time, I will have achieved my Goal A and be really happy.

Lance Armstrong, New York City Marathon 2006 (2:59:36) and 2007 (2:46:42)
What would happen if this guy started swimming too? I'm not beating him.

Katie Holmes, NYC Marathon 2007 - (5:29:58)
Katie Holmes and her nipples ran in 2007. Her time may not be the fasted, but in her defense, she was probably just trying to stay away from that loco husband of hers for as long as she could. The leash is off. RUN KATIE, RUN!!!! Oh sorry, it's KATE now.

Mario Lopez, Boston Marathon 2002 (5:41:41)
Mario Lopez and his nipples ran Boston in 2002 for Big Brothers Big Sisters. He blamed his leisurely pace on a gimp ankle and his slow girlfriend who was holding him back. Sure...I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with that 2 ton ego he's carrying around.

Ali Landry, Boston Marathon 2002 (5:41:41)
The aforementioned "slow" girlfriend. I'm sure it's safe to say most people don't care how fast she can run a marathon.

Will Ferrell, NYC Marathon 2001 (5:01:06), Stockholm Marathon 2002 (4:28:02) Boston Marathon 2003 (3:56:12)
I love Will Farrell (who doesn't?). I also love that he runs with his wife. He ran his first two marathons with her before he ran Boston. I also love that he ran Boston while filming Anchorman, hence the Ron Burgundy mustache. Stay classy, Boston.

George W. Bush, Houston Marathon 1993 (3:44:52)
Dubya may be feeling pretty down since the ENTIRE WORLD is celebrating the fact that he will soon be out of a job and the new President-Elect is the complete opposite of him and his policies. But at least he can find comfort in the fact that he's a pretty decent runner (for the worst president of all time). He even ran a 5k in around 20 minutes when he was 55 years old!!! That's pretty speedy (for the worst president of all time).

Sarah Palin, Humpy's Marathon 2005 (3:59:36)
Speaking of the "Worst of all time"...
Sarah Palin ran a pretty impressive time at the 'ol Humpy's Marathon (why does everything with this women have to be so easy? HUMPY'S marathon?!?!?!, come ON!). I wish I could say I will beat her time, but I just don't see it happening this year. Say what you will about this rootenest-tootenest, pit-bull-kissing, hockey player in drag (or whatever she calls herself), but she runs a good marathon (for the worst Vice Presidential nominee of all time...).

Al Gore, Marine Corps Marathon 1997 (4:58:25)
He ran it by putting one carbon footprint in front of another...

John Edwards, Marine Corps Marathon 1983 (3:30:18)
Look how fast John Edwards is! Maybe he got so speedy from running away from his pissed off wife after she found out he was cheating on her every other week. Whatever training plan works.

Kerri Strug, Houston Marathon 1999 (4:12:06), NYC Marathon 2008 (3:56:06)
I think Kerri may have run a couple more marathons than this, including Boston, but these were the only two times I found. Pretty impressive, but what would you expect from someone who can vault on a broken foot and win a gold medal in the Olympics? She's tough.

Brandi Chastain, NYC Marathon 2008, (4:11:07)
This was Brandi's first full marathon and she ran it with Kerri Strug as ambassadors for the ING Run for Something Better, a program that promotes youth fitness.

Shannon Miller, NYC Marathon 2006 (4:17:33)
I read an article about her training and she said she barely trained, didn't really change her eating, blah, blah, blah...Must be nice to be a natural athlete.

Gordon Ramsey, London Marathon, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008 (3:46:10/2006)
I know nothing about Gordon Ramsey and I have never once seen an episode of Hell's Kitchen (I worked in the restaurant industry for 10 years and have had my fair share of screaming cooks). But when I saw that he ran four London Marathons all for Tommy's: The Baby Charity, I thought that was pretty cool.

Kim Alexis, New York City Marathon 1992 (3:51:00)
Not just another pretty face, Kim has run 8 marathons (5 NYC, 2 LA and 1 Jacksonville). That's pretty darn impressive as is her PR in 1992. I wont beat her PR, but hopefully I can beat her '06 NYC time of 4:39:04. That's close to my last marathon time. Kim often runs to raise awareness for Team for Kids.

Lisa Ling, Boston Marathon 2002 (4:34:18)
Lisa ran in 2002 and raised $100,000 for the Ali Pierce Endowment Fund, established to support pediatric cancer research in her late cousin's honor. She was always the smartest one on The View.

Jason Bateman, LA Marathon 2001 (4:57:28), 2002 (4:34:17), 2008 (4:35:22)
I've loved Jason since The Hogan Family and Teen Wolf 2. He may not be getting faster, but he's close to my pace. Which makes me love him even more.

Jonny Lee Miller, London Marathon 2008 (3:01:40)
The former husband of Angelina Jolie and talented actor from Trainspotting is supposedly an insanely dedicated runner who often runs marathons for Mencap. I think it's safe to say I wont be coming in anywhere near this time. At least not this year ;)

Meredith Baxter, New York City Marathon 1982 (4:08:30)
Who knew Mrs. Keaton was a marathon runner? And a pretty good one too!

Joan Van Ark, Santa Ana/Orange Marathon 1979 (3:35:00)
Who knew Valerie Ewing was a marathon runner??? And she was fast as hell. One question though...when did she turn into Michael Jackson?!?!

William Baldwin, New York City Marathon 1992 (3:24:29)
Another fast Baldwin brother.

Anthony Edwards, Chicago Marathon 2003 (3:55:40)
Not bad for a former nerd.

Dana Carvey, Ocean to Bay Marathon 1972 (3:04:21)
This totally doesn't surprise me. He has the body of a runner for sure. I think I also read somewhere that his brother is a running coach.

Kyle Petty, Las Vegas Marathon 2005 (4:16) Walt Disney Marathon 2006 (4:42)
Nope, don't know a thing about NASCAR. But I have read that Petty is an avid runner and ran the marathons as a fundraising effort for this family's Victory Junction Gang charity. I may have to start getting into NASCAR.

Freddie Prinze, Jr., Los Angeles Marathon 2006 (5:50:49)
Not sure what happened to Freddie's time here. It seems to me that he could probably do a little better than that.

David Lee Roth, New York City Marathon 1987 (6:04:43)
Maybe he should have "Jumped" through the course instead of running it. Wait, let me put "running" in quotation marks. Maybe if he wasn't posing like this all the time he could get along faster.

I'm sure there are a million more out there. Feel free to send them to me. Which one of these famed runners do you plan on beating in your next marathon?


Sonia said...

This is hilarious! So many celebrities runner! That was a good read, I love gossip shows and magazines even tough I am totally ashamed of admitting it!

You're well on your way to beat PUFF DIDDY! =)

I'm pretty happy I beat Katie, she's one actress I loved when I was a teenager (Dawson's Creek anyone?)

One of my friend ran NYC this year and she finished just 2 mins behind Ryan Renold, she actually ran part of it with him until he sped up to finish. She said he's way hotter in person LOL

Hope you're doing well in your taper madness!

FLYERS26 said...

I have to come in ahead of P.Diddy, Beth O, and Orca!

I now I can't beat George W's time.
I might have a shot at Palin's time.
A nascar runner you missed, is Michael Waltrip, I know he did Boston, in 2000 in 4:30, and has ran a few others. He was in Runner's World, a year or so ago, the backpage "I'm a runner" interview.

BeachRunner said...

Wow you are the goddess of celeb marathon research. This was a kick ass and funny post. Can we all agree that Joan Van Ark looks like a freak and runs like one too.

Unknown said...

Wow, impressive list you have come up with. You much have some time on your hands. I will surely note some of these times for motivation for next year. Thanks!

joyRuN said...

I was getting so depressed that there wouldn't be a celebrity I could beat.

Then I saw David Lee Roth's time - I am all over that!

Jess said...

Wow, I only knew of about half of those! I was most surprised by Will Ferrell; and he's pretty speedy too!

That Pink Girl said...

This is freaking hilarious. You made my day! I'm sharing this with every runner in my contacts list!

Anonymous said...

I love this post! I am the same way. Last year when I ran I was so happy to beat Katie Holmes, but upset that Oprah was faster!

But, it must be nice to have trainers and people to pace you like P. Diddy did. I am glad they raise money for charities.

ShoreTurtle said...

Nicely done!

That's a great collection of talent!

N.D. said...

Oh this is fun! I have to say, there are alot of good times out there!! Lots under 4 hours which is my goal of life!! : )

RunToTheFinish said...

That was a very impressive list!! I must admit I feel better for having beaten some of them and inspired to keep moving towards my next goal to beat more of them!

Unknown said...

Wow. There are more celebrity marathoners than I realized.

Guess the first thing I would need to do is actual run a marathon. So far they have ALL beat me.

Tall Girl Running said...

I read through your post until I hit the pic of Lance Armstrong naked on his bike. Now I can't even remember what your post was about in the first place.

X-Country2 said...

What an EXCELLENT post! I have a marathon on the same day as you, and I alway need things the occupy my thoughts in Taperville.

Katie Holmes and her nipples was the funniest part. Oh, and Ryan Renyonds is too yummy for words.

Good luck to you.

Unknown said...

This is GREAT !!! I find it hard to believe that George W Bush did under 3:45. I don't buy it.

You did a great job compiling this celeb list.

Progman2000 said...

Excellent work and great commentary! There are a couple on here that are news to me too (glad to see you have your head on straight politically too!)

Danny said...

Great post!!

Shoe Running said...

Ha ha! I love this post :) The photos you found are so hilarious! Palin & Will Farrel and that photo of David Lee Roth is so AWESOME! ha ha :) I think, just to be safe, I'll try to beat David Lee Roth...but I feel like you are right, that Oprah is indeed the woman to beat. I just don't know if I'm ready yet! :)

Happy tapering!

Marcy said...

OMG girl you HAVE to beat Diddy! Ooohhh please beat his ass! Please! Someone cool than him has to do it! He's DEFINITELY on my list for next time.

Did you read the "I Am A Runner" blip on Mario in RW a couple months back? He said that they stopped and HAD LUNCH while running the Boston Marathon. Who the freak does that?!?

Irish Blue said...

LOL...great post. Hey, I beat David Lee and Mario. Shit, I'm retiring.

Bert said...

Terrific post! I knew that George Bush had a good marathon time; I've seen GWH Bush (the former president) run at Memorial Park here in Houston. He used to be an avid runner, but has been slowed by both age and hip replacement(s) though.

Runner Leana said...

I admit it, I wanted to beat Katie Holmes and her sports bra-less marathon time on my last race. Now...I want to beat Oprah! Wow, some of those people are fast!!

Aron said...

ohhh fun post - thanks for posting these!!! some of these people are FAST!!!

P.O.M. said...

I seriously love this post and am so happy that I kicked most of their butts! I beat Mario Lopez by 2 flippin hours! Sweet!!!!

SuperDave said...

I'm so glad that you posted this. Now I have NO REASON, not to run a marathon.

runjen said...

Loved this post. I was laughing the whole time! :)

Kristin said...

This is AMAZING!! I am going to have to email this around!! I am running the philly too and in my taper time I am starting a blog! I've read yours a couple of times! Good luck on sunday!!

Dan Seifring aka "OBRATS" said...

Great list, I will have to bookmark this page.

Anonymous said...

Coach Carvey Here, a.k.a. Dana carvey's Brother. Love your blog...

Lawfrog said...

Love this list! Thanks for posting it. Just FYI, Kerri Strug did indeed run Boston twice. Her times:

2005: 4:39:06

2004: 4:41:41

design by