I'll Miss You Running

It's been so long since I have gone for a run.

I honestly can't even remember the last time, but it must have been about 5.5 weeks ago. When I had the bleeding episode at 7 weeks I had to take it easy for awhile. Once I got the approval from my Dr and Midwife to start again (at least a week after no bleeding/spotting at all and to take it EASY) I was so nauseous I could barely make the walk from the train to my office at work, let alone go for a run. Plus, the summer heat was really starting to do a number on me.

So I just decided I wasn't going to worry about it. Some things are more important than running and right now I just needed my rest and try to make it through the first trimester.

So I rested. And on the few cooler days that came around, J and I would go for a walk after work. From our house, to the end of all the bars on Main Street and back, is a nice 2 mile walk. It was surprisingly hard. Not only was I constantly sick and dizzy but I had zero lung capacity left. Most of the time, I am more out of breath walking up the stairs in my house than I have ever been running any distance. It's so odd how quickly your body changes.

But recently, I have been getting restless. The past two weeks I have slowly been starting to feel a little better as far as the nausea goes. I still feel nauseous, but instead of it lasting from 11am-bedtime. It's last from 3-4pm-bedtime. Still sucks, but an improvement nonetheless.

So, I have been thinking about running again. Not a lot, but maybe two or three short runs a week. After coming back to blogland and reading about all your adventures in running, I realized how much I missed it. I hadn't had any bleeding in 6 weeks and got a clean bill of health from my perinatologist, so what was I so scared of? I would keep walking for a few more weeks, and then once it cooled down a bit, start with some slow walk-running again.

Then last Wednesday happened.

I woke up at 5:00am on the first day of my 12th week of pregnancy to a soaking wet bed. In my half-dazed state, I wondered if I had wet the bed. But come on. We have all had the dream where we were going to the bathroom only to wake up just in time to avert a crisis. And I didn't have that dream. As a matter of fact, I had to go.

So I stumbled through the dark bedroom to the bathroom and went. When I stood up, to my horror, I saw a toilet full of bright red blood. Not spotting, not "old blood" as the Drs like to call it, but a crime scene in my toilet (Once again, sorry boys).

Jeremy and I made our way to the ER in complete silence. We knew this was it and we couldn't believe it had taken this long for it to finally happen.

But once again, we sat in the dark ultrasound room to see a happy little baby, swimming around and waving at us. A nice, strong heartbeat. Cervix was closed. Everything was fine.

Tell me why we decided to do this whole parenting thing again?

Long story short, the ER doc (who was an ass) had no idea what was wrong with me. As I laid there he asked,

"So I assume you are here for an ultrasound?"

Like I was some crazy pregnant lady who just wanted to see a picture of my baby.

Um, I dunno doc. I'm here because it looked like someone cut their arm off in my bathroom. YOU tell me what my next steps are.

Ugh.

Also, maybe you could be a little more rough when you are giving me a pelvic exam? I think you could jam that speculum in me a little faster and crank it up a little farther. I don't think the people on MARS can see my cervix.

Anyway, we were relieved, but still terrified. What the hell was happening?

My midwife is a saint and pulled some strings to get us in the next morning to see another perinatologist and get more scans.

Once again, everything was fine. Baby looked great and they couldn't tell exactly where the bleeding was coming from. Since it seems to all come at once, then taper off to spotting before going away (miscarriage is usually the opposite) they think it may be coming from a small area where he said he sees the membrane had lifted up a bit and blood pooled before just releasing. He also said he can't be 100% sure, but as long as the baby is healthy, we are good. I may just be one of those unlucky women who bleed throughout my pregnancy. Scary, yes, but not necessarily a problem for the baby.

He told me to take it easy for a few days and no exercise for a week (anytime I have a bleed like that). Other than that, I can resume normal activity again.

I will say the one good thing about this happening when it did, was that I have been so sick lately that I have done absolutely ZERO exercise in the past week and half before this happened. So i know for a fact that it didn't have anything to do with it. Which is what they have been telling me all along, but now I can believe it.

However, even with all that, I am seriously considering just giving up on the running dream until this troublemaker is born. At this point, I don't know if I will ever be comfortable with it. And I know J will not be cool with it either. We have had so many scares, I just don't think it's worth it. If for nothing more, than just peace of mind.

Looks like I'll be taking up power walking. Maybe I can change my blog to "A Brand New Life as a Totally Stressed Out Mother of a Child Who is Already Sending Me to an Early Grave and Power Walker."

Good Lord, how bored will all of you be after reading about my pregnancy drama and WALKING for 6 more months? I feel for you.

So, you know what FIVE ultrasounds in 12 weeks means, right? MORE baby pics. These were taken at our 12w1d appointment with the peri. After my heart settled back into my chest after the terror of the previous day, we could actually enjoy the pictures. We can start to see some more features here, which is always fun.

Enjoy seeing the kid while you can. After it's born, it will be grounded for at least two months.