My mind is made up...

What a crap week.

My emotions have taken a ride on the proverbial roller coaster. One minute everything seems to be going my way and then wouldn't you know it, my stomach is doing flip-flops from dropping down another hill.

Without boring anyone with details, lets just say I had a lot of things planned out for how the next year of my life was going to unfold. We (J and I) have been planning certain things for almost a year and this week a lot of what we had planned pretty much flew out the window. Tough to deal with on many different levels.

I may have had an easier time with all of it, if at least my plans for running had been going my way. Since all the nagging injuries I have had, which seem to change from one thing to another every time I run, running is just another thing on that list that seems out of my control. Another thing that I am longing for that I just can't have.

The thing that really sucks about it, is that running is the one thing that would actually make me feel better about all this other shit. Running clears my mind, makes me take better care of myself, which makes me feel better about myself. When I don't run, I eat and drink like a pig which just makes me feel disgusting, weak and sad. When I feel healthy, I feel better about everything else. I need running now more than ever.

So this is why I was so bummed out this week when I went to my new PT. Before he even evaluated me, or let me finish telling him what was wrong with me, he immediately told me to forget about running the Miami Half.

"Not gonna happen." he said.

Of course that was after he hurried me along while I was trying to explain to him my problems. Then he automatically told me I have a back problem, which is fine, but he completely missed the part about my tendon issues and the IT band pain, which was why I was there in the first place. Never mind the fact that he wore an awful 70's sweatsuit, didn't wear underwear and rubbed his junk all over my knee when he was stretching my leg, cut me off every time I opened my mouth to speak, rubbed my back so hard I thought he was going to break it (it was bruised the next day) and just generally made me uncomfortable. Oh and of course, when I told him what my other PT had told me, he basically told me she was stupid. Of course.

So after he stretched me, rubbed my back and had me do back exercises he had me run. When my IT band started aching he seemed surprised, like, "Oh, you have an IT band issue as well?!?!?" Sigh. Maybe if he would have let me finish explaining myself!!! Grrrr.

Now, I know it sounds bad, but I am not saying this guy is unqualified. He is a well-known PT in the area, owns his own popular running store, taught as an adjunct at various Universities and written countless articles on gait analysis and running. He knows his stuff. I just think that our personalities do not match at all and I just got a really weird feeling about him.

So after telling J how I felt, he agreed he was weird (he is going to him as well), but he knows his stuff and it only cost us 15 bucks, so we should give it another chance, blah, blah, blah...

Then, after he found out some running gossip about him from a reliable source, he agreed to let me go back to the first PT if I told them I was limited to 2-3 visits. I called and made an appointment immediately.

I went back to him for a second visit though on Friday (it was too late to cancel and I figured I should give him one more chance to redeem himself to me). Maybe I was being too judgmental. Anyway, he was better, but I am just not convinced he is the right fit for me. I have another appointment with him tomorrow, but on Wednesday it's back to the first PT. I hope I am making the right decision.

So the good news is that after having our gait analysis, we figured out the correct shoes we need to be in. Jeremy and I both have narrow feet and slightly overpronate. He was in a neutral shoe, and my shoe was fine, but too wide in the middle. So I switched from my beloved Saucony's to a new pair of Asics 2130's.

Tadaaaaaaa....


Pretty snazzy huh? I broke them in on a 3 mile run tonight and good news all around! First off, love the shoes. I thought they wouldn't be cushiony enough for me, but they are. And since they are snug in the middle they seem to really stabilize my feet.
But even better than that is that this is the longest run I have had since the Columbus Marathon where I wasn't in excruciating pain (yes, 3 miles is my longest run in two months and I want to run a half-marathon). At the very end, I could feel my leg getting weak, like the pain was coming, but I stopped in time.

Since the Miami Half Marathon is three weeks away, I have made up my mind. I am definitely running it. I think if I work my way up to a slow 10 mile run in two weeks, I can do it. I was thinking about just dropping out completely, but you know what? Screw it. It's already paid for. If all else fails, I'll power-walk that bitch. No more feeling sorry for myself. I don't care what annoying PT's in bad attire tell me.

I'm doing it damn it!